I had a moment yesterday when I wanted to quit teaching. As soon as I submitted my grades, the whining began…no matter how clear you are about the course requirements, no matter how many opportunities you give to earn extra credit, there are always a few students who think you owe them something more. I love teaching and I hope to teach for the rest of my life, but I’m wondering if there’s a way to build a life that lets me do what I love and discard all the rest. Yesterday’s meeting with Terry Boddie was great—I can’t imagine what I’d do without the support of fellow artists! Artist/professors who teach, and grade, and deal with ridiculous demands, and yet still manage to get their work out into the world (Terry’s got FOUR shows up right now). Giving up the academy would mean working as a teaching artist and supplementing my income with grants. I’ve gotten three grants so far this year, and right now I’m applying for a fourth. It’s a different kind of hustle but the good thing about writing grant proposals is that the process lends clarity to your work. Why do I do what I do, and what does my writing offer the world? I’m still working on my project summary but thought I’d share what I’ve got so far. This is Nevis book #1:
The Hummingbird’s Tongue
This nonfiction book—a blend of memoir, genealogy, and mythology—will attempt to trace the life of my paternal grandmother, Rosetta Elliott. Born on the small Caribbean island of Nevis, Rosetta was institutionalized approximately ten years after the birth of her two children, George (my father) and Ilis. Both children were removed from Rosetta’s custody when they were quite young; George was raised (alternately) by his maternal and paternal grandmothers, and Ilis was raised by her biological father and his wife (though his paternity was kept from her until adulthood). Stripped of her children, my grandmother continued to live in Nevis until the mid-1950s when she began having “fits” and was committed to an asylum in neighboring Antigua where she allegedly died.
Shortly after his mother’s death, my father emigrated from Nevis to live, for the first time, with his father in Canada. Fifteen years later, in 1972, my father returned to Nevis with my mother (who was pregnant with me at the time). They visited the asylum in Antigua and found no record of Rosetta Elliott. In his unfinished memoir my father implied that Rosetta was involved with prominent men on the island; I plan to investigate this claim and others, including speculation that my grandmother’s “fits” weren’t caused by epilepsy but by obeah (so-called “black magic”). My grandfather once worked as a policeman in Antigua—did he use his professional connections to make his former lover “disappear”? Was the news of Rosetta’s death prior to his departure for Canada a lie designed to sever my father’s connection to the less reputable side of his family?
I have lived with depression and anxiety since my teen years, and suspect that my father battled depression throughout his life as well. Fortunately, I evolved into a black feminist writer, though my commitment to self-expression led my father to call me “a stranger in the family.” I feel a strong sense of kinship with the woman for whom I was named, though we never met and I have not even a photograph of her. My great-aunt once told me that Rosetta had “hair down her back”—a significant feature for a poor black woman. Was she beautiful? Was marriage unavailable or uninteresting to her? Perhaps my grandmother traded whatever assets she had in order to survive.
If my grandmother did indeed suffer from some type of mental illness, I would like to know what symptoms she exhibited and what services were available to women in the eastern Caribbean at that time. Could any “undesirable” be institutionalized? Was Rosetta truly a danger to herself, or was her sexuality deemed dangerous to an insular, patriarchal society that expected women to know and stay in their “proper place”? The 2009 study of Nevisian girls, Pleasures and Perils by Debra Curtis, reveals disturbing patterns of coercion and early experimentation with sex; my book will consider contemporary conditions for women in Nevis and will offer strategies to ensure that girls have the tools they need to recognize and resist exploitation and marginalization.
Wow. Please get this grant. Please write this book. Always inspired by you Zetta.
Thanks, Summer. I *will* write this book regardless of the outcome of this grant proposal.
Zetta, I continue to be AMAZED at how much you are accomplishing and how you manage to impact so many people with your inquiring mind. Yes, I think we all have quesitons about our heritage/family. My sister and I just found out that we are half sisters – which confirmed what we always thought, but that part of the past has been hidden from us as was the facts of my grandmother’s teen life. I hope the Nevis trip is rewarding. Ruth E. M.
Hi, Ruth! Well, let’s wait and see how many of these projects I actually FINISH. It’s easy to keep coming up with ideas! The Allen family book will have to wait a while–I need to queue up my projects to make sure I get to them all. Very interesting news about your sister–are you working on a memoir yet? You should be!
Zetta,
Thanks for the reply. I will leave the writing to professionals like you! Thanks for your dedication and I feel you are doing a great service with your writing. Times are changing fast. You will have a hard time to keep up with the forces that are bringing us together and causing the changes in the social aspects of society.
NEVER GIVE UP ON TEACHING!
If you don’t tell your story, Ruth, no one will! “the professionals” are too often writing commercial stuff, but those changes you mentioned are opening doors for more people, more voices…I won’t give up on teaching. At the end of the day, as much as I grumble about my students, I do love them and need them to keep me on my toes!
OK, I will think about it but will need some guidance. Did you ever talk to Eunice about her mother’s side of the family? I have wondered about that a lot. Did you see the family tree that Bill did…Pretty amazing. Good luck with your research on Nevis.
Yes, please write this book! I checked in here because I’m giving a talk on diversity in fiction tomorrow at a literacy conference for high school educators. Want them to know about your books and your blog!
Hey, Carleen! Thanks for stopping by, and as always, for your support. Your educators might be interested in our BPP lists: http://birthdaypartypledge.wordpress.com
wow!!!
[…] finally time to let the book live, warts and all. That night I started working on my slideshow for The Hummingbird’s Tongue; I’ve been invited to attend the inaugural Nevis Book Fair on July 27, and this time […]
[…] Fellowship Publication Program, which will enable me to spend the spring semester focusing on The Hummingbird’s Tongue. Around noon today, when I could bear to sit at my sun-soaked desk, I scanned and printed out an […]
[…] the Caribbean island where my father was born. I’m conducting research for a family memoir, The Hummingbird’s Tongue, so why not head south instead of “crossing the pond?” I’ve been to London too many times to […]